Sad major changes.....

So I haven't written in my blog for a while now because I am going thru some major changes most that I am not happy about, I found out thru sneeky means that I was about to get evicted from my home :( yea so that sorda put a major damper on the way i've been feeling. My boyfriend has lived here in this house/apartment for 11yrs with his Gramma and recently myself & my children as his Gramma passed away in December of 2009 I came here to Ny from Tx in Feb 2010 & have been living here now to present time....


Well my landlord has recently had a memory relapse he has no knowledge of me even coming here or living here for the last 8 months....Only the crazy thing is he's been in the apartment seen & talked to me, talked to me on the phone about matters concerning things needing fixed & having a building inspecter come inside the apartment along with himself take pics of things..........but he has no memory of me being here How retarded is that crap.....

The list of few things that I've had to give up or indure while living here is way beyond what I've wanted to have to go thru....1. I had to give up my little dog Niceum which she is now staying at my boyfriends parents she was nice enough to care for her for me otherwise i would have had to give her away that would have crushed me more then anything...according to the landlord as told to me on the phone by the man himself (etheir get rid of the dog or i will evict you) i did as asked....2. I came here with nothing but my clothes and a few personal things i could grab that was depressing enough for me I never would have come here knowen this was going to happen.....

 
So as of now I am everyday looking,hunting,searching for another place to live.....so far I've only recived the 3day vacate notice which i know isn't legal  on this paper he sent his claim is that he is going to pursue an eviction based on there being to many occupants living in the unit and a water bill that he claims we owe with an amount added of an exsisting bill owed by my boyfriends deceased Gramma which brings the bill too $312. we went to a place here where we live to try to get help when the agency contacted the landlord he refused to accept there help his excuse was that he was going to evict us anyways so the agency felt paying the bill wasn't going to help us thus no water bill paid :( 

 Which leaves me to today even tho I could just about crawl in a corner and cry myself to death everyday I refuse I will be happy & for the most part I have :) I seem to be able to find joy in something everyday with my quiet walks at night my Love filled moments with my Honey I couldn't ask for more then those moments I am thankful for my family my kids and the joy they bring me everyday and with each smile they give me with there crazyness lol...... so I can find peace and joy in the midst of any storm    :)

Such Pissyness can't be good

Ha at the picture above but it fits how i am feeling at this very moment lol....So we have these very annoying nieghbors and i just wanna oh i don't know what i wanna do to them lol they just make me pissy....You ever have the ones where they just do things i think to get a as they say a rise out of you well our nieghbors do just that....I don't really know what i did to make these ignorant people dislike me we actully i do know but it's really kinda stupid to me it is...


 So I'll explain my daughter has asthma it's very serious and she has already been in the hospital 1 time for it and to the ER several times and once since i've been here to Ny had to have 8 treatments before leaving the ER was very scary....So anyways the nieghbors are smokers Great huh so i began to notice that when they'd go outside to smoke they were leaving the door here near our front door open (we live inna big house that has several apartments inside) they live across the hall from us there a 2 doors that lead out to the back porch they felt they needed both doors open thus the smoke was coming right in the hallway for my daughter to smell....
So i wrote up a little note to tape on the door needing to be closed at all times which by the way has a sign already on the door applyed by the Landlord stating keep doors closed i guess they can't read....so i wrote my note up it said please keep this door closed as my daughter has asthma and can't smell cigarette smoke i then tape it to the door only to come out a few days later and notice the note is gone and the doors are wide open WTH so i write another note tape it on the door go back inside and close my door only to hear the nice little people come out and tear it off the door so i go back out once again mind u this is the 3rd attempt and they ripp that one off too so i take my butt outside in the hallway see them standing on the back porch both doors open and the girls hand is inside not outside inside and shes holding a cigarette and blowing the smoke insideeeeeee O hell to the no....

So i tell the girl excuse me i don't know why you seem to wanna take my notes down i didn't put them here for my health i put them here for my daughters health she has ashtma could you please keep this door closed when you come out here to smoke so that she won't have to smell it then she says could you please stop slamming your front door lol excuse me wat the hell did u say slammen my door ur joking right? the only door we been closing is this one why because you keep insisting on leaving it open when we've asked you to keep it closed.....she then doesn't say anything so i go inside and now there annoying because now they seem to be doing all sorts of things to be annoying for example this last weekend after many times cleaning up after them they leave there trash out in the hallway which includes crappy diapers,spoilt food, ewwww and because of that maggots on the floor we had to clean that up because they would leave it there for weeks at a time it was really gross....

They make me crazy lol liken the pic above.....I had to call the landlord today and complain once again about the trash and the door being left open and i hate to do that i really do.....so according to the landlord he and his nephew they are aware of the things that are going on in the apartment building and are about to make some changes they better be good ones.....like maken the ppl keep the door closed or hey no smoken would be good :) Let's see how the next day is hopefully good.....

Missing Family

So am missing my family today among others....I love my life here in New York but sometimes i get to thinking about my life back in Texas and i miss my family so much, The holidays are almost upon us and it's been making me feel sad at knowing that this will be the very 1st of holidays not spent with my Momma and my daughter Ashley (Both in the picture above together) Altho i am sad at times i am also very very happy that this will be the 1st of holidays spent with David....I am excited to cook with him :) and he such a darn good cook and everything that he cooks taste so gooddddd it's great to have a man that does something so good and is so great at it :) 

That's my Dad I miss him alot too he sure can make me laugh and i miss that, it never fails that he can always put a smile on my face whenever i'm with him he is a true southern man :) if you heard him talk you'd just die of laughter i love it and David sure get's a kick out of hearing him go on about things telling his stories :)  

Isn't my Momma just the prettiest ever I love her and miss her most of all well except for my daughter Ashley just the same I miss them both so much I wish everyday that they were here with me to share in my joys it's so pretty here in Palmyra the seasons are changen i say that alot lol.....Just wish i could have them here with me.....Today is also a sad kinda day i'm missing my family but David is also missing a very important person in his life that passed away last year His Gramma Today was her birthday and it was a little hard for him to get thru the day without crying a little bit I know that he misses her so much when he sometimes crys i just try to always be there for him even if it's a hugg some encouraging words or layen next to him holding him not saying anything at all, i never got the chance to meet her in person but we use to talk on the phone alot when i lived in Texas we'd stay on the phone sometimes for hrs just gossiping about things lol she loveddddd to gossip and more juicer the better, She was such a spunky lady always told things just like it was i loved that about her....
 
That's Gramma above Happy Birthday we love and miss you so much...................

Allergy Day's Bring Me Down....

S

 Today really pardon the saying sucks hind tit as far as today being a day full of sniffles,runny nose,watering eyes ect....I'm just plainly not feeling myself :( But even so i had to get dressed and take care of my appointments duties and the things i normally take care of...So i sit here at my desk barely able to breath and my nose being stuffy :(

The thing about it normally a person with this issue or sickness in general they get up and they go and take medicine i can't do that why you ask? Well i suffer with Panic disorder,(GAD) which stands for Generalized Anxiety Disorder which includes a few phobias 1 of which is the fear of taking medicines that alter the way i feel or not because i fear taking antibiotics as well....There are a long list of other phobias that i have but i won't list those at this time maybe later lol.... it's aggrivating for me to be sick sometimes i feel so sick and i want so bad to take something for it but there wouldn't be any use because i'd panic to hell and back and it wouldn't help me only make it worse :(

The symptoms of GAD are as follows :

GAD affects the way a person thinks, but the anxiety can lead to physical symptoms, as well. Symptoms of GAD can include:

• Excessive, ongoing worry and tension
• An unrealistic view of problems
• Restlessness or a feeling of being "edgy"
• Irritability
• Muscle tension
• Headaches
• Sweating
• Difficulty concentrating
• Nausea
• The need to go to the bathroom frequently
• Tiredness
• Trouble falling or staying asleep
• Trembling
• Being easily startled

It can and is very annoying plus it interferes with my everyday life stuff :( people with GAD often have other anxiety disorders (such as panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and phobias), suffer from depression, and/or abuse drugs or alcohol. Great huh....It has taken alot for me to be able to just make it thru the day i can normaly have 5 or more attacks in a single day it just leaves me feeling tired and i have no energy what so ever :( So today that is what i am dealing with....I'm hoping this goes away soon like really soon....

A Mother's Love

A Mother's Love

A Mother's love is something
that no one can explain,
It is made of deep devotion
and of sacrifice and pain,
It is endless and unselfish
and enduring come what may
For nothing can destroy it
or take that love away . . .
It is patient and forgiving
when all others are forsaking,
And it never fails or falters
even though the heart is breaking . . .
It believes beyond believing
when the world around condemns,
And it glows with all the beauty
of the rarest, brightest gems . . .
It is far beyond defining,
it defies all explanation,

And it still remains a secret

like the mysteries of creation . . .
A many splendoured miracle
man cannot understand
And another wondrous evidence
of God's tender guiding hand.

What Brought me here to New York

This will probably be in parts as my story on my journey here to Ny is a very long one but I hope that it will touch the ones that read it, it is from my heart the truth.

So my Journey begins just 3 months into my pregnancy with my twin girls,I've always enjoyed the computer it's always been something of an interest to me I didn't have a computer of my own for awhile and would go to my mother's house to use hers I loved chatting with people and was always looking to seek out someone new to chat with no matter where they were from :) I had downloaded ICQ an Aol chat program that allowed you to chat as well as play games with whom ever u were chatting with at the time....Scrolling thru the names one particular night i came across the name Turbo a male from the Usa age 32 I thought yayyy fianlly a fellow Usa'er so I reached out and attempted to try and chat with this person...They were slow to respond at first and this made me a little aggrivated lol but i kept talking...we talked that night for a long time I found out that his name was David and he lived in Ny wow i thought so close but still so far away. So began the friendship that would later turn into love :) 

Now every chance i got when i was able to go to my mother's i'd look him up on ICQ so that we could chat I really enjoyed our chats and found myself thinking about them and about him long after i'd go home, One night as i was checking out another chat program that actully allowed you to view the other person via web cam i became very excited i thought Omgggg I could actully be able to chat with this person and see what they looked like so I asked David if he'd download the program he said that he would but relayed to me that he did not have a cam :( much to my dissapointment...I was however able to record my voice so that he could hear what i sounded like :P As time went on we shared many things many secrets and things that we wanted out of life dreams wants.....(To be continued)

Feelings of gladness today

Today i feel a bit better about things....As I was walking to take care of business errands and such i was struck with a feeling of gladness,thankfulness,just a sense of happyness i looked over at my Honey and i said you know i wish that i could have these feelings everyday he said to me what do you mean i said the feelings i am having of gladness and happyness and well just feeling good i wish i could feel this way all the time....I thought to myself why can't i why can't i feel this way in spite of the things that go on around me? all the bad things that happen i want to learn how to smile and be glad and happy in spite of those things, As i always say the weather today is so beautiful the leaves are still fallen off the trees today it is much cooler and breezy days like this i love. I can remember as a child i use to go outside on days just like this windy with my blanket in hand and a good book yes i loved to read even then and i would just sit and close my eyes and feel the wind and then i'd read my book :) I felt such peace and happyness on days like that....

Lastnight my friend Yael invited me to go to a womans meeting at the Temple here in Palmyra I walked around and said my hello's to people and had myself a little snack they were serving cakes and such for us to eat, I started to feel a little uneasy about being there as i am not mormon so i asked my daughter to ask Yael if we could get a ride home as she always does my sweet friend lol she talked me into staying for the meeting which i did :) I so enjoyed it they talked about compassion and kindness and not judging people on outward appearences and just loving one another i was very touched on the subjects that they were teaching about and i am glad that she invited us all to go and be apart of that....Right now kindness and compassion are what we need in our daily lives and i got it from my dear friend we love her so and are thankfull for each time that we get to see and spend time with her. 

So today i will be Glad,Happy,At Peace,Thankful & compassionate towards others....I thank God for another day of life i thank him for useing others to help me when i have needed it i know without him i can never make it thru my days.....Thank you Lord for all you do for me and my family.....