Allergy Day's Bring Me Down....

S

 Today really pardon the saying sucks hind tit as far as today being a day full of sniffles,runny nose,watering eyes ect....I'm just plainly not feeling myself :( But even so i had to get dressed and take care of my appointments duties and the things i normally take care of...So i sit here at my desk barely able to breath and my nose being stuffy :(

The thing about it normally a person with this issue or sickness in general they get up and they go and take medicine i can't do that why you ask? Well i suffer with Panic disorder,(GAD) which stands for Generalized Anxiety Disorder which includes a few phobias 1 of which is the fear of taking medicines that alter the way i feel or not because i fear taking antibiotics as well....There are a long list of other phobias that i have but i won't list those at this time maybe later lol.... it's aggrivating for me to be sick sometimes i feel so sick and i want so bad to take something for it but there wouldn't be any use because i'd panic to hell and back and it wouldn't help me only make it worse :(

The symptoms of GAD are as follows :

GAD affects the way a person thinks, but the anxiety can lead to physical symptoms, as well. Symptoms of GAD can include:

• Excessive, ongoing worry and tension
• An unrealistic view of problems
• Restlessness or a feeling of being "edgy"
• Irritability
• Muscle tension
• Headaches
• Sweating
• Difficulty concentrating
• Nausea
• The need to go to the bathroom frequently
• Tiredness
• Trouble falling or staying asleep
• Trembling
• Being easily startled

It can and is very annoying plus it interferes with my everyday life stuff :( people with GAD often have other anxiety disorders (such as panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and phobias), suffer from depression, and/or abuse drugs or alcohol. Great huh....It has taken alot for me to be able to just make it thru the day i can normaly have 5 or more attacks in a single day it just leaves me feeling tired and i have no energy what so ever :( So today that is what i am dealing with....I'm hoping this goes away soon like really soon....

A Mother's Love

A Mother's Love

A Mother's love is something
that no one can explain,
It is made of deep devotion
and of sacrifice and pain,
It is endless and unselfish
and enduring come what may
For nothing can destroy it
or take that love away . . .
It is patient and forgiving
when all others are forsaking,
And it never fails or falters
even though the heart is breaking . . .
It believes beyond believing
when the world around condemns,
And it glows with all the beauty
of the rarest, brightest gems . . .
It is far beyond defining,
it defies all explanation,

And it still remains a secret

like the mysteries of creation . . .
A many splendoured miracle
man cannot understand
And another wondrous evidence
of God's tender guiding hand.

What Brought me here to New York

This will probably be in parts as my story on my journey here to Ny is a very long one but I hope that it will touch the ones that read it, it is from my heart the truth.

So my Journey begins just 3 months into my pregnancy with my twin girls,I've always enjoyed the computer it's always been something of an interest to me I didn't have a computer of my own for awhile and would go to my mother's house to use hers I loved chatting with people and was always looking to seek out someone new to chat with no matter where they were from :) I had downloaded ICQ an Aol chat program that allowed you to chat as well as play games with whom ever u were chatting with at the time....Scrolling thru the names one particular night i came across the name Turbo a male from the Usa age 32 I thought yayyy fianlly a fellow Usa'er so I reached out and attempted to try and chat with this person...They were slow to respond at first and this made me a little aggrivated lol but i kept talking...we talked that night for a long time I found out that his name was David and he lived in Ny wow i thought so close but still so far away. So began the friendship that would later turn into love :) 

Now every chance i got when i was able to go to my mother's i'd look him up on ICQ so that we could chat I really enjoyed our chats and found myself thinking about them and about him long after i'd go home, One night as i was checking out another chat program that actully allowed you to view the other person via web cam i became very excited i thought Omgggg I could actully be able to chat with this person and see what they looked like so I asked David if he'd download the program he said that he would but relayed to me that he did not have a cam :( much to my dissapointment...I was however able to record my voice so that he could hear what i sounded like :P As time went on we shared many things many secrets and things that we wanted out of life dreams wants.....(To be continued)

Feelings of gladness today

Today i feel a bit better about things....As I was walking to take care of business errands and such i was struck with a feeling of gladness,thankfulness,just a sense of happyness i looked over at my Honey and i said you know i wish that i could have these feelings everyday he said to me what do you mean i said the feelings i am having of gladness and happyness and well just feeling good i wish i could feel this way all the time....I thought to myself why can't i why can't i feel this way in spite of the things that go on around me? all the bad things that happen i want to learn how to smile and be glad and happy in spite of those things, As i always say the weather today is so beautiful the leaves are still fallen off the trees today it is much cooler and breezy days like this i love. I can remember as a child i use to go outside on days just like this windy with my blanket in hand and a good book yes i loved to read even then and i would just sit and close my eyes and feel the wind and then i'd read my book :) I felt such peace and happyness on days like that....

Lastnight my friend Yael invited me to go to a womans meeting at the Temple here in Palmyra I walked around and said my hello's to people and had myself a little snack they were serving cakes and such for us to eat, I started to feel a little uneasy about being there as i am not mormon so i asked my daughter to ask Yael if we could get a ride home as she always does my sweet friend lol she talked me into staying for the meeting which i did :) I so enjoyed it they talked about compassion and kindness and not judging people on outward appearences and just loving one another i was very touched on the subjects that they were teaching about and i am glad that she invited us all to go and be apart of that....Right now kindness and compassion are what we need in our daily lives and i got it from my dear friend we love her so and are thankfull for each time that we get to see and spend time with her. 

So today i will be Glad,Happy,At Peace,Thankful & compassionate towards others....I thank God for another day of life i thank him for useing others to help me when i have needed it i know without him i can never make it thru my days.....Thank you Lord for all you do for me and my family..... 

Today i'm grounded

I thought today was going to be a little better then yesterday but it hasn't been so far you know it's a shame when kids do things how the parents have to be the ones to suffer right along with them when there punished we seem to be punished as well :( It is a very beautiful day the wind is blowing which i love the leaves are falling off the trees which i think is absolutly gorgose and i can't even be out in it because i'm grounded along with 1 of my children, why does it seem that no matter what we do as parents to try and make sure that our children don't follow the wrong path they always seem to do just that it's very heart breaking to see your children get so caught up in the things in the world that aren't good for them, And no matter what you say it doesn't change anything. But as parents we still try to talk sense into our children.

I've tried my best to always be the best mother i could be to my children they've never seen me drunk and have never seen me use drugs, I am a non-drinker and non-smoker I don't use drugs and I don't hang with people who do those things ethier so tell me where i have gone wrong to have a child that insist on doing the very same things i've tried so hard to keep him from :(  so on that note it leaves me feeling just a bit sad and somewhat depressed i don't want to feel this way i want to feel happy today.

So I refuse to let this get me down to the point that i will not enjoy my day no i say it will not i will go in the kitchen with my Honey and i will bake some apples with bananna's and it will be good and i will eat it with a smile on my face :) There is always tomorrow and with tomorrow comes new things maybe bad maybe good ethier way i will get thru the crazyness because it's my life and i live it....

Winter is on it's way

So the leaves are changing(My twin daughters in pic above) and I can't help but get a little more excited as each day passes at knowing that Winter is just around the corner :) See i'm originally from Texas so we don't see any snow there at all so being here in Ny has it's perks for me I get to see each season in all it's glory and I just love that. I take walks alot now which is also something that your not able to do in Texas (Houston) at least the area i used to live in lol....Palmyra Ny is a small town very pretty lots of trails and lots of scenery I've always got my camera on hand when i go anywhere I mean you never really know what you might see that you wanna take a snap shot of. 

Since i've been here i've met alot of nice people made some very good friends 1 which happens to be a Mormon, now don't get me wrong i have nothing against the mormon religion so I don't want anyone to get offended I was raised Pentecostal and later decided to go Christian which has fit me....My little Mormon friend Is the best I've grown to love her as I do my own family she listens to me and my ideas and doesn't try to force things on me which I love she also has her own blog on here somewhere i'll have to find it and link it so everyone can check her's out. I love my life here in Ny I love everything about this little place :) in a later blog i will write about what brought me here. So I hope that i can gather some followers and make some more great friends others that will share in my crazy life lol.....Untill then Eat Laugh and Love.....