Wish today was better.......

Today isn't going very well David is in a bad mood and has been that way since he got up thx to Hannah and Breanna.....They came into the room long before we were able to get up out of it and told him Jonathan left without making his bed therefore that put him in his current mood....When he gets this way the whole day is screwd and his anger is usally turned towards me i guess because im the only one here he can yell at and say nasty things too :( pretty soon i always find that it's him and I argueing with eachother for the remainder of the day :( always over something mean he has said to me and of course i have to respond too....

I should learn I know to just not say anything back to him and just go about my buisness but it seems to be a hard thing for me to do. especially when he's saying things like Everyday is just a mistake then he catches himself and says getting out of bed everyday as if that sounds any better then what he said before that :( it still hurts my feelings and always has me sitting here long after asking myself why is it that I am here.....Does he even want me here and if he's so damn misrable why doesn't he do something about it tell me to go if he's un-happy with me....Instead he just goes about saying all of his mean comments and maken me feel that much smaller in his eyes :( I will take the blame and own up to the things i say if i feel i was in the worng but for most part i don't feel i am....I don't disagree with him very often I back him on most of what he lays down here as far as rules and what he expects from the kids the things I don't agree with is his over dramatic way of how he handles certain things, How he yells at the top of his lungs at just about everything that rubs him raw, How his anger is always aimed at me no matter if i've done anything or not, And how he always seems to say that we are driven him to wanna drink I think thats the comment that always hurts me the most :( I know anger makes us say and do things that sometimes later on we can regret but come on we gotta have some conrol over what we say don't we? I guess i'm venting as they say doesn't really change anything and once this is over i'm almost sure it will happen again and because of that it's got me thinking about alot of things :(